


Blood smeared lips

by valy_urse



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood, Chuck Lives, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flowers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Beta Read, One Shot, Self-Sacrifice, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-18 19:47:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16523501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valy_urse/pseuds/valy_urse
Summary: Hanahaki disease: is a fictional disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. It ends when the beloved returns their feelings (romantic love only; strong friendship is not enough), or when the victim dies.Some people think it’s the image of a pure love, some call it the prof of an unhealthy feeling and some just call it stupid. “Why don’t they just confess?| It’s not that hard!” they say. But one thing is for sure, movies and books kept the interest of the public high and romanticized and even made glamorous this disease. Well Chuck didn’t feel anymore glamorous as the damn flower petals kept slowly wrecking his lungs.





	Blood smeared lips

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! this is a shift from my usual style, which is kind of cheery. I wanted to experiment with this concept of hanahaki disease since I don't remember ever reading one on Chaleigh, so from my curiosity, sleep depravation and depression this fanfiction was born. I hope you enjoy it!

Some people think it’s the image of a pure love, some call it the prof of an unhealthy feeling and some just call it stupid. “Why don’t they just confess?| It’s not that hard!” they say. But one thing is for sure, movies and books kept the interest of the public high and romanticized and even made glamorous this disease. Well Chuck didn’t feel anymore glamorous as the damn flower petals kept slowly wrecking his lungs.

A few bright yellow and orange tipped petals escaped his lips as he coughed in his fist. Some even made it on the table. He gathered them quickly and stared at them. French Marigold, jealousy. He knew most of their meaning now. After all it’s been months since he became ill and he started to research this not as common as the media made it seem disease.

He knew why they were marigold now, it was because he was in the same room with the happy couple. Laughter made it’s way to him and he dared to look from under his eyelashes at the table on the other side of the mess hall that was the source of it. Raleigh and Mako were almost joined to the hip, shoulders brushing and were laughing at something Tendo said. He felt another cough coming so he looked down at his table as the coughing fit overcame him. Another fistful of petals, still marigold were forcefully thrown out of his lungs.

A sigh then almost made his chest twinge in pain again. He felt Max’s paw on his leg and looked down at him. Poor Max. The thought of his only friend mourning for him broke his heart, but what was done it’s done. He won’t change his mind. He just hoped that Herc would take good care of him and understand why he chose to keep his feelings for himself.

He gave his last bit of bacon to Max and as the dog chewed on it he glanced again at the couple. He just hoped they would be happy, they both deserved it after all the things they went through. Mako was like a sister for him. They grew up together, children of war and later heroes of war. And Raleigh, a pure soul that he hoped would live past him and forget that he ever tried to harm him. He loved them both, but only for one of them he was slowly withering away.

Max wined beside him so he got up and started walking away from his table, towards the hallways that would lead him to fresh air outside. Max was bouncing with excitement ahead of him in anticipation of their daily game of fetch. As he walked away he couldn’t resist gazing one last time at him. He just wanted to have his handsome face memorized, since he doesn’t know how much he has left. 

Just like the last few times, his eyes met Raleigh’s as he followed him with his gaze as he passed them. His face was a mix between concern and a frown. Why couldn’t he have been an asshole? Why did he have to show concern and that he cared for him? Chuck felt his chest squeeze and he averted his eyes as he hastened his pace to get away quicker so no one would witness his weakness as he coughed.

He moved slower nowadays. His limbs felt sluggish as if they were too heavy for him to lift. His traitorous brain made him wonder if the roots of the flowers could make their way into his joints and hinder his movements. When he reached the landing pad he basked in the rays of sun that kissed his skin. He tilted his head up and just let them warm his face. When he tried to take a deep breath and enjoy the beautiful day before him, his chest gave a painful stab and he started coughing again. This time it was different, he could feel the flower dislodging from his lung and how it made its way into his mouth. He had to stick his fingers in his mouth to pull the damn thing out. When he looked at it, it had a vine attached to it and its beautiful white petals were tainted with spots of blood. The vine even had bits of flesh in it. A Cypress flower, despair and death. So it won’t be long then. 

He made his way to the end of the landing pad and watched the flower as he threw it over the edge and into the waves below. Some drown their despair in alcohol, he chose to drown the physical embodiment of his in the ocean. Where most of his years were drowned anyway. He stood there just watching it float and disappear before he searched in his bomber jacket for the tennis ball he always had with him. 

He sat down on the concrete floor and threw the ball for Max. in between thrown he watched his dog and friend run, stumble and bounce after his ball and the happily returning it to him. Since Pitt Fall it was quieter in the Shatterdom. Almost everyone was on leave with their families so the only helicopters that landed here where he was were the weekly supplies and sometimes some reporter or a politician with an army of cameramen hoping to speak with them. But now he was the only one there, so he opted to just listen to the waves battering the Shatterdom pillars and his dog’s happy pants. Unfortunately for him, now he could think. And that never led to pretty results. But he was tired so he let the waves of regret take him.

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The memory of the first petal he coughed made its way on the surface of his mind. But it didn’t start then. No, his chest started to seem stuffy just after he watched Raleigh fight Mako. He ignored it. His cough started after he and Raleigh beat the crap out of each other in the hallway. He ignored it. And who could fault him? He had a world to save. He didn’t have time to look more into why it happened only after he interacted with the has been. 

After he was fished from the ocean after two days at see on top of his rescue capsule the doctors told him it might be just a cold, after all, nights were very cold at sea. He agreed with them, he had other injuries to concentrate on at the time. So no one saw the miniscule seed that lodged itself in his lung.

His first petal wasn’t even a petal, it was an entire flower. He coughed it just after Raleigh left his hospital room. He came to apologize for throwing the first punch that caused their brawl in the hallway and to thank him for also apologizing to Mako. Chuck waved his apology away and said that he didn’t have to feel sorry for anything. It was him that verbally assaulted them from frustration and adrenalin that night. 

Raleigh smiled and indulgent smile at him. It was small but Chuck felt his chest constrict at its sight. He then put his hand on his forearm and squeezed it lightly as he nodded at him and took his leave. As he watched his back retreat in the hallway he started coughing in his fist. When he stopped hacking his lungs he opened his eyes to see a snowdrop in his palm. It was almost pristine in its beauty with its fragile white petals. He didn’t know back then, but it signified hope. As he stared down at it he closed his fist around it as he realized what it meant. He had feelings for the bloke. He brought his and to his chest and looked around him. He was alone so he snuck to the trash can and put it there and for good measure covered it with some tissues.

Chuck decided to ignore it, as he did until then, but the damn things only got worse since his luck made it that some of his physiotherapy matched with Raleigh’s and as he struggled to regain his muscle mass in his leg he got to watch him exercise his left arm, the one with the circuit scarring that made his almost nauseous with worry at the thought of how he suffered all those five years alone with those injuries. 

He made it just in time to his room as he could feel the petals making their way into his mouth. He coughed them in his palm and stared at them. They were small and white and when he searched for them online he found out that they meant fascination, flowers of Circaea.

Those flowers made frequent reappearances as he kept watching Raleigh from afar, gaining strength and as he moved on from one set of exercises to another he felt the chocking sensation again. Raleigh was in the middle of his deadlifts when he heard him struggling to breath between coughs. When he started making his way towards him Chuck’s eyes widened in panic and made a rushed excuse of needing to use the bathroom and practically ran out of there. The first petals of Dog-rose made their appearance that day. He almost laughed when he saw that they could mean both pain and pleasure of the body. Life never ceased to humiliate him is seems.

The first time Marigold petals made it past his lips they weren’t alone, some flowers of Citron accompanied them. Jealousy, grief and sadness. But the petals weren’t alone, for the first time in who knows he let himself cry. Because that day he witnessed for the first time after Pit Fall how Mako interacted with Raleigh and the realization that they were a couple crushed him. Mako spent the days after the Pit Fall until then around the world on press conferences so he had no idea that they were so close. That day he spent it in his bead coughing marigolds and citron flowers, because he knew that he could never camo between them. He cared too much about Mako and she needed someone to be there for her after what happened with Stacker. 

For the next months the pain and stiffness only increased, he chocked in his sleep sometimes on Honey flowers, sweet and secret love, after he dreamed of him, of his smile and laugh. But soon after the wakes up beside the bright yellow of those soft bunches of white puffy flowers landed beside them. Aspen tree flowers, lamentation. Lately they came covered in blood. He just gathered them in his hands and throws them in the trash. He doesn’t spend all that much time looking at them now, he just feel numb. Yeah, numb, that’s the feeling that defines his life now when Raleigh isn’t around him, either in his dream or in real life.

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As he stood there, staring after Max as he ran up and down the landing pad he heard footsteps. He didn’t turn to see who it is, he was so tired. How long would it take for those flowers to just end his suffering? He just wanted it done so everyone could move on without him. It felt like he kept them back with his illness and lack of motivation to live. That someone from behind him sat next to him and as he glanced slightly to the side he recognized Raleigh’s boots and cargo pants. Why won’t he leave him alone? He just wished he won’t remember him like this, so weak and helpless.

“Nothing really stops him from chasing that ball, isn’t it? It’s like beside you that’s the most valuable thing on this earth.” Raleigh’s voice was soft, it was almost swallowed by the sound of the crashing waves. Chuck looked at him and his chest gave a squeeze at the smile Raleigh wore on his face.

“Yeah, nah, the bugger would chuck me right out the window if he could find someone else that could throw him the ball as far as I do.” His feeble attempt at humor worked because Raleigh let out a snort and bumped his shoulder with his own.

“Don’t be like that. That dog almost worships the ground you walk on. It’s kind of cute to watch if I’m honest.” He smiled at him again in good humor and Chuck was horrified when he could feel a coughing fit taking him. 

He tried to contain it, but it only got more painful. He decided that he would take his chances with coughing so he let it out. His lungs hurt, his entire chest burned. He heard Raleigh calling his name and his hand stroking his back. The cough only got worse. Why couldn’t he be a heartless asshole and he had to be this genuine kind person? He finally felt the flower dislodge with a spike of pain and with a grunt of exhaustion he spit out the two flowers. Jonquils, the desire for returned attention, how pathetic of him, thought as he looked at the smears of blood o the too jolly yellow of the flower. He felt himself tilt towards Raleigh and his eyes shut. He let the darkness consume him. The last thing he heard was an alarmed shout that sounded like his name and barking in the background. At least he was beside his love and friend as he drifted into death.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

If this was death he wanted a refund, because he was supposed to be at peace not in pain. He grunted as e tried to move. His chest felt raw as if a piece of him was ripped out and his ribs were left exposed to the air. Maybe the flowers didn’t follow him into afterlife. Good. He always hated flowers. 

He heard a voice, it repeated the same thing over and over again. “You idiot, you idiot, you idiot, you..” He frowned. Was it really necessary for this person to insult him in his death? He tried to open his eyes. The light was blinding. Okay. Noted, we have to look sideways next time so we won’t be blinded.

As we turned his head to the side from which the voice could be hear he slowly opened his eyes. A blond head was face down on the bed next to his arm as a big hand held his. Okay. To whoever may concern and runes this afterlife, you are a dick, torturing a war hero with the image of his unrequired love after he died for him to be happy. 

He must have made a sound because Raleigh lifted his head and Chuck was surprised to see the less than perfect image of the ranger. His hair was sticking in all directions and his eyes were puffy and red and his face was pale. Okay, maybe not after life as this Raleigh had a frown creasing his brown and his lips were drawn in a thin line.

“You are selfish you know that?” at the accusation Chuck felt his blood boil with rage, an almost forgotten feeling. How dare this apparition insult him. He died for the real Raleigh, he sacrificed himself so he and Mako could have a happily ever after. From the scrunched face of this Raleigh he might have said that out loud.  
“The decision wasn’t only yours to make. Especially since the Raleigh you so highly speak of loves you in return you doofus. Maybe I should tell them to tone it down with the painkillers, you seem very out of it.” Painkillers? Chuck decided that he must look around to see where he was more exactly. His eyes almost bugged out of his sockets as he took in a familiar hospital room.

At his legs on the bed was Max and he was pretty sure that there could be no Max in the after world. A tv was playing a rerun of some sitcom and the laughing track made him reach for the remote, he hated those damn things. Before he could reach it, a rough and tan hand got it first and shut the tv. Attached to that hand was Hercules Hansen with a scowl on his face.

Before he could say anything his father engulfed him in a tight hug and as he straightened he cuffed Chuck on the back of the head. “Never do that again, you wanker! We all care for you here, we just got you back from the bloody ocean and we almost lost you because you are an emotionally constipated idiot!” After the heart worming speech he flicked Chuck on the forehead with his finger and made his exit with misty eyes and a promise that this won’t be the end of that conversation.  
With his father gone he could only look at the ceiling refusing to look at Raleigh even though he could almost feel his breath on his cheek. He decided to break the heavy atmosphere around them with a question. “How am I not dead?” He winced at the roughness of his voice and his throat felt scratched and raw.

“Because I kissed you after you feel on me and I saw the flowers on the ground. We all know how the disease works.” He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back. Chuck felt his own chest tighten at the sight of his biceps and for a second he braced himself for the coughs that didn’t come. “Why did you chose to suffer like this? You even avoided me on purpose even though you knew what it would do to you if you did.” He was openly scowling at him now but his eyes were sad and Chuck could almost get lost in their blue. But then he shook himself and sighed before answering.

“I saw how you were with Mako and I realized that you two loved each other and I could not come between you. Especially since I wanted both of you happy.” He averted his eyes as he said those and looked at his hand as it was now alone on the bed. A long sigh escaped Raleigh’s lips and Chuck dared to glance at him to see a fond look on his face and he felt his heart beat a little faster.

“If you would have talked to either of us or to anyone for that matter you would have known that she is like a sister to me too. Yes, I’m close to her, but she almost reached the same place Yancy had in my life back then.” A sad look passed his face but he recovered quickly, much quicker than he would have recovered say a few months back. “ And for now, just know that your feelings are the same as mine, minus the puking of flowers.” He gave him a cheeky smirk and got up from his seat. “As your father said, this is not over. We will talk again, but after you recover.” And he smiled at him and, just like all those months ago, he squeezed his arm and sauntered out of the room.

Chuck’s heart was beating wildly and his cheeks were pink. How he went from resigned to his fate of a painful death to hope fluttering in his stomach in just one day he would never understand, but he wasn’t complaining. He was just happy that this time he didn’t cough up a snowdrop. He may never be able to look at them the same way, but now it didn’t matter. Raleigh loved him too. And it felt wonderful.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I hoped you all liked it and it wasn't too cheesy. As always critiques are welcome anc comments in general. You cand also harass me if you liked or didn't like something at valyurse on Tumblr. Cheers!


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